Sunday Morning Meeting scheduled in the Al-Anon chat room. Topic: Chapter 3 of the Al-Anon book, "Having had a Spiritual Awakening". Or "Open Topic" related to Al-Anon. Today's reading: "You still have a lot of life in front of you."

My quest for a Higher Power began at a very young age. It was as if I always felt deep down inside that there had to be more to life than the people who surrounded me. I come from an alcoholic background that goes back many generations. Both of my parents were alcoholics. I loved my father and hated my mother because I blamed the drinking on her attitude.

I felt that somehow, if I were good enough, God would solve these problems. I took on the responsibilities of much of the household and tried to be everything for everybody for many years. I was certain that God had abandoned me because no matter how hard I tried the situation did not improve-until one day my parents found AA.

By that time I was already married, not to an alcoholic, but to a child of alcoholic parents, so my life didn't change very much. The controlling, enabling, guilt, and shame were still there. Still I continued to pray because I still believe there had to be a Higher Power. I asked God for things to change but I didn't listen or pay attention to the messages He sent my way.

After giving thirty-nine years of my life to others- family, children, friends, work, and any organization that came along- I reached my bottom. Suicide seemed like the only answer. The only thing stopping me was the fact that God had given me two beautiful daughters that I knew I couldn't put through that pain. For the first time I started listening. A lovely lady who shared her experience, strength, and hope slowly guided me to the Al-Anon program- my Higher Power was put in my path.

She helped me see that I was the one who had abandoned myself. I finally acknowledged that my life was unmanageable and that I needed help. With the help of the program, I slowly turned my life around. I started listening and asking for guidance to do His will, not mine. The spiritual side of my life, which I had neglected for so long, helped me get closer to reality.

But being stubborn and controlling, I still had to go a bit further. After my husband and I divorced, I got involved with an alcoholic who had a few months of sobriety. I figured I had it made. He had a program, I had a program, so what could possibly go wrong? We became complacent, but I stuck around Al-Anon and grew almost in spite of myself. I got myself a sponsor.

The relationship became a repetition of what I had lived before. I enabled without being aware and took over all the responsibilities. He became very controlling. Again, I felt I was losing my identity. I attempted suicide twice. The second time I was in the hospital, my sister, a faithful Al-Anon member, came to me in a dream and said, "What are you doing? You still have a lot of life in front of you. There are still people who need you to share your experience, strength and hope." I believe this dream was a spiritual awakening.

Now every day I turn my will over to God and ask for guidance. It comes through people and the Al-Anon program. My world is far from perfect but my appreciation of life has grown. I have found unconditional love in Al-Anon and have been guided back to my Higher Power's path. One Day at a Time, I want to keep working this wonderful program of acceptance and gratitude.

What unexpected guidance have I received in Al-Anon?

The website link to the group meeting room is http://www.12stepforums.net/chatroom2.html . There are other ways to join the room also. Using mIRC or other chat client, the server we are on is irc.chat4all.org, port 6667 which users will need to add to their IRC server list, and our room name (#alanonchat) to their IRC channels.

Hope you will join us.

Overcome